Effective Strategies for Handling Postpartum Emotions
Your child has arrived in the world. The long road to arrival is finally over and you are now in the throes of building your new family. Postpartum, the time after birth, can be one filled with strong emotions. Some of these feelings can be attributed to the joy and possible worry about building a new family. Others can result from the hormonal changes your body undergoes due to giving birth. It's helpful to recognize that these feelings are experienced by all moms. To manage them effectively you need to recognize they exist and incorporate strategies to help you navigate them effectively. This emotional period may include symptoms like anxiety, sadness, and even resentment, all of which are part of the broader spectrum of perinatal mental health.
Understanding Postpartum Emotions
Joy, sadness, frustration, elation, anxiety. These are all in the normal range of emotions new mothers feel. Sleep deprivation from caring for a newborn can exacerbate these feelings. Mood disorders such as postpartum depression can also stem from drastic hormonal fluctuations and changes in family dynamics. Hormonal changes, tiredness, and the weight of new responsibilities often impact these intense feelings. According to the American Psychological Association, approximately 80% of new mothers experience the "baby blues," while up to 15% may develop postpartum depression. This means that these moods are often part of the postpartum period.
The Emotional Rollercoaster of New Motherhood
After giving birth there is often elation at the arrival of a new child. You have waited 9 months for this moment! However, as new moms we also feel fatigue, worry, and uncertainty. The baby may not sleep. It may be hard to calm her down. Your partner and you are negotiating roles and responsibilities and the list of changes goes on. While you may have read lots of books and talked to many new moms, the reality often feels different. These feelings may be compounded by birth trauma, episiotomy recovery, or the demands of breastfeeding and bladder control. Knowing these feelings are often part of new parenthood can bring some comfort.
Common Postpartum Emotions
In the first few weeks and months, you might experience:
Joy: Many people say that seeing and being with your newborn makes your heart swell with love. You are excited and happy about this new person in your life and how she will enrich your family.
Anxiety: You are now responsible for caring for a new human. Especially if this is a first child, you may worry about how best to care for her, and your skills in doing so. Anxious thoughts or intrusive thoughts are common in this phase and may require CBT or other stress-reduction strategies.
Sadness: It is not unusual to experience the “baby blues’ or sadness after your new arrival. Postpartum depression (PPD) can follow if symptoms persist or worsen. Hormonal changes often impact these feelings.
Irritability: One of the byproducts of caring for a new baby is the lack of sleep that results from meeting their needs. This can lead to frustration and irritability.
Guilt: If you have a range of emotions, you might feel guilt about how you ”should” feel. While you should know there is no one way to parent, guilty feelings may creep in. This guilt can stem from common myths surrounding motherhood and emotional health.
Recognizing Postpartum Depression
For some moms, the “baby blues” deepen, and a more severe form of depression known as Postpartum Depression (PPD) sets in. If you experience some combination of persistent sadness, a lack of interest in your baby, extreme fatigue, and even thoughts of self-harm or harm to your child then you are likely suffering from PPD. This is a time to seek out mental health support from a healthcare provider. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), antidepressants, or interpersonal therapy are often recommended treatments. If support is given at an early stage of these emotions there will be an easier recovery. To learn more about Postpartum Depression see the article from the Mayo Clinic.
Coping Strategies for Postpartum Emotions
If you have any of the roller coaster emotions described above there are things you can do. Here are some strategies to use:
Be Open: It helps to talk about your emotions and let your partner, family, and/or friends (depending on your relationships) know how you are really feeling. This will reduce the isolation you may feel.
Seek Professional Help: Don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist, counselor, or doctor to get support. Reaching out sooner may make your recovery easier and faster. Mental health resources for families are crucial in navigating postpartum care.
Join Support Groups: Joining a Support Group can be an incredibly positive experience. Not only does it reduce isolation but affirms the feelings you have as part of your new role. Other moms may also be able to suggest good strategies to help you feel better. It can also be the start of an ongoing community. Having friends who are at a similar stage in life can start post-pregnancy and continue to grow over the life of your child.
Prioritize Self-Care: It is important to make time for yourself even if it’s just for 5 or 10 minutes a day. This might include taking a walk, reading a book, meditating, or simple exercise.
Stay Active: Keeping physically active can boost your mood and reduce stress. This will allow you to handle the other feelings you have more easily.
Rest and Sleep: A lack of sleep can make all of the emotions you are feeling much worse. It is helpful to try to rest when the baby sleeps. Ask for help with chores like meals and laundry to give yourself time to take care of yourself. Sleep deprivation is one of the most overlooked contributors to mood disorders after labor.
The Role of Partners and Family
Your partner and family members as well as close friends can be an important support once you bring your baby home. Think of the ways they can be helpful without creating another burden on you. It is possible that friends and family members will be happy to help with meals or laundry. In some communities, caring friends may set up a food chain. Don’t be ashamed to let them assist you. Also, be sure to set boundaries so that help doesn’t increase the pressure on you. Think about saying, “I’d love help with X. I’m going to rest while the baby is sleeping so I won’t be able to chat at that time. Thanks for your help.” These supports will boost your emotional well-being.
Managing Expectations and Realities
You may have watched a show where moms bring home new babies and then set to live in their perfectly neat homes, making full-course meals. This is not the reality of most families. Don’t let others set expectations that create stress and guilt. Just because your sister/mom/neighbor felt a certain way, doesn’t mean you will as well. Your path in motherhood is uniquely your own. Personalized parenting coaching services may help couples align during this transition.
Recognizing When to Seek Help
Don’t ignore your feelings and reach out if you recognize your sag or anxious feelings have become persistent and overwhelming. Having a mental health professional supporting you will provide the help needed for you to recover.
Finding Joy and Balance
Make sure you are noting the small moments of joy and balance. Be sure that, however small, you celebrate successes as positive moments. This will assist in your emotional journey. Use a journal, a diary, or a photo to capture these times. You can reflect on these if times get hard.
Embracing the Postpartum Journey with Support and Self-Compassion
Overall, recognize the time after birth is an emotional one that impacts every mom in a slightly different way. Remember intense feelings that ebb and flow are part of what all moms feel. Use the self-care and support strategies to minimize their impact and seek help if needed. This will allow you to make the most of your new family and find joy and happiness along the way.
