Healing After Miscarriage: A Journey from Grief to Recovery
Miscarriage is a profound emotional experience. When pregnancy is first underway, couples are envisioning a newly defined future. When a pregnancy is lost, for whatever reason, there are often a host of emotions arising from that loss. It’s helpful to know others have navigated this setback and found ways to move forward. This blog will create an understanding of the many emotions you may experience and the strategies you can employ as you move to heal your body and soul.
Miscarriage is a Loss
Miscarriage may be a private loss before friends and family are even aware of a pregnancy, or it may be one that must be shared following a pregnancy announcement. Experiences with miscarriages are more common than you might think. About 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriages and it may be more, as couples don’t always share this information. Most miscarriages occur during the first trimester, a time when many families choose not to share their initial pregnancy news. Whenever the loss occurs and for whatever reason, families most often experience a range of strong emotions that ebb and flow over time.
The Grieving Process
If you have suffered a miscarriage, know that many emotions are common, and can change in intensity over time. As with any grief, feelings may include sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. The stages of grief are often seen through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Your feelings and journey through grief are unique to you. Coping with the loss you experienced involves allowing yourself to grieve, seeking and finding support, and identifying personal ways to honor the lost pregnancy.
Physical Recovery
There is a physical aspect to recovering from a miscarriage. A follow-up with medical personnel is important to make sure your body is healing properly and to avoid any further complications. It will also help inform you of any expected physical and hormonal changes that may occur and what kind of recovery time is needed. Having this information may reduce additional worry. Your recovery time will depend on the reasons for the miscarriage and the time of pregnancy, as will symptoms, which typically include bleeding, and cramping. It’s important to attend to this aspect of your recovery. If possible, plan for support of everyday tasks and family needs so you can give yourself time to properly heal.
Emotional and Psychological Healing
The emotional and psychological healing process following a miscarriage is a gradual one. It’s important to take care of your emotional as well as physical health. Be sure to seek out the support you need and give time to heal. You can employ a variety of strategies for support. These include:
Reaching out and talking to a trusted friend. Sharing your true emotions may be easiest in this setting. Knowing you can explore how you feel without judgment will help in the grieving process.
Joining a support group. Sharing your own experience with others who have also suffered loss can be helpful.
Practicing self-care and/or mindfulness. This can take many forms including exercise (as allowed by your medical provider), journaling to write down your feelings, or meditation to increase calmness.
Seeking therapy and counseling can provide a way to process your feelings and help you develop coping strategies that work for you. Many therapy practices, like Nurturing the Nest, have therapists who have extensive professional experience with those who lose a pregnancy as well as personal experiences they can draw on to support your healing journey.
Building a Support Network
Moving through the healing process, it’s important to have a support system to help with practical assistance as well as emotional support. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your friends, family, neighbors, and other communities you are part of will most often be happy to tackle a task or two on your behalf. As part of your healing, you may be more or less comfortable talking about your loss. Practice letting them know. You could say,” Thanks for your support, but I’d rather not talk about this right now.” or “ Please just be present with me.” Many families find that if they share their personal loss others will chime in to share theirs. If you want to talk, remember, miscarriage is often not discussed but when you open the door to this conversation you may find others willing to share as well.
Sometimes people don’t know how to help. You could ask them for a simple task, “ I could use some help with groceries/laundry/etc.” In addition to support groups and friends, if you are a member of a faith-based community, there are often members of that group who can volunteer to help. Nurturing the Nest has created a newsletter, How to Build a Support Network. It has additional ideas you may find helpful. You can download it here.
Navigating Relationships After Miscarriage
Miscarriage impacts everyone in a relationship. This includes partners, family members, and friends. It is important to work on communicating your feelings and needs openly. Everyone grieves in a different way. This includes how they feel about the loss as well as any future journey into parenthood. If communicating becomes a challenge, reaching out for support from a therapist to support couples counseling may be a good choice.
Finding Hope and Moving Forward
To find hope within yourself, recognize your strength, and envision some future happiness. It helps to set achievable smaller goals that can be reached within a short period of time, allocate some time for self-care, and recognize this loss as a significant life event. Your future may or may not include another pregnancy. Be sure to put your emotional support system and medical professionals in place as you embark on this part of your journey.
Conclusion
Negotiating your physical and emotional health will be your own journey. While no two paths are alike, finding support through friends, family, groups, and/or therapists will be helpful. Give yourself grace as you travel on the path to healing.
